Get Out of Your Boxx! by Mary Jo Fay
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EXCERPTS
From Introduction
What is a Boxx?
Different than a regular box a "Boxx" is a behavioral pattern that holds its captive hostage, limiting the view of life's possibilities, excitements, and passions!
From Chapter 15
"The Expectations of Others"
It is extremely easy to get sucked up into the Boxxes of Others' Expectations and it becomes vital to recognize which boxxes are mine and which belong to someone else. Had I been able to realize that I had given of myself for the wrong reasons to begin with - seeking my own validation through the praise of others - I would have been better able to predict the response I received. Or at least I would not have been so surprised by it.
Having come to understand that "what the neighbors say" need not have power and control over my life, has helped me to see what is important to me - to my health, my relationships, and my career. Being true to me first, and taking care of me first, are both my responsibilities and my freedoms. I have realized that I can still care for and love the others in my life in a way that does not boxx me into the wrong boxxes based upon their expectations.
Understanding this now has helped me to become a stronger person - healthier, happier, and better able to handle whatever life events come along. At the same time, it is important for me to remember it is not my place to put my expectations upon others in my life, which may be an even more difficult task at times!
From Chapter 17
The Investigation Leads to..
A person with strong Self-Esteem doesn't get hung up in the big Boxxes of Fear. They don't get trapped in the smaller Boxxes of Perfectionism, Workaholism, Their Past, "I Can't", or any of the others. They have strong Body Armor to protect them. They make well-informed choices. They take responsibility for their actions. They use common sense. They set appropriate goals. (For example, a 90-year old person doesn't set his goal to win the Boston Marathon. However, it may be completely reasonable for him to be competing in the Boston Marathon! (If he is in good shape, has taken care of himself, and has done the training.))
People like this are not held back by Fear of Failure because they do not recognize failure as a terrible thing. They recognize it as an Opportunity for growth. They do not get hung up by the Fear of "What Others Think" because they believe in themselves and what is right for them. They do not rely on the feedback of others to determine their self-worth. They do not fear the known. They believe whatever comes their way is a life lesson and that they will overcome any obstacle.
They are free.
...By focusing on the good things, I was able to find the strength that led me to take incremental risks. These risks slowly and consistently built my Self-Esteem "Playground" into one of great adventure and wonderful challenges. You can do the same! You have the power to be whoever you want to be. Believe in yourself and take the challenge.
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