I am 33 years old, have a daughter of age 5, separated for the past 3 years and have been on a few dates within the separation. When I first separated I didnt want anything to do with another relationship as my marriage was a very bad experience for me. During the first year of my separation I fell in love with a man who I always thought was my soul-mate and he has been the only man that my daughter got close to. Unfortunately he was a married man and the relationship ended after 8 months and soon afterwards I moved to another province across Canada. I've never been able to get interested enough in another man to begin another relationship, no matter how gorgeous that man was. Until recently that is.

A long time friend of mine (male) recently moved out west where I am currently living and came to visit me last weekend and brought a friend of his that he recently has met. When I met this man I instantly felt attracted to him and we had so many similar interests. He spent 4 days with me and it wasn't until the night before he was leaving that we made love. I havent been able to get him off my mind since he left and I want to pursue a relationship with this man. What puzzles me is that in many ways he is very similar to the married man that I had fallen in love with. Is this coincidence or is this fate? Is it possible that I am only interested in men who reminds me of this other man that I was in love with? After the relationship with this married man I always thought that I would never find another love that made me feel so alive and so full of energy and yet I strongly feel that this man that I just met can and will show me a love that I've been so longing to find again. Another puzzling outcome of this weekend was my daughter gave her complete attention to this man which is not like her at all. She usually shys away from any male, even just a male friend.Could this be a sign to me that I will be able to meet another man who will make me feel so deeply again Is her openness to this man also a sign that he is the one for me?

Please help make sense of all this for me.

Sandy

You are quick to feel "this is it!!" and it would be to your benefit to allow yourself the joy of the excitment without thinking it is THE ONE. The impression your daughter is getting may be that mom needs a man, so she will feel that she does too.

My coworker, who is an expert when it comes to women, tells me that this girl likes me. I ask him how he knows, and he tells me he see it in her actions. I, however, fail to see it. He does not give any examples in reference to her actions. I see the exact when we are around her. She is more talkative around him and when I am near her, she acts like somebody died. I am 32 years old and am totally ignorant when it comes to reading women. What are some signs I should look for to tell if a women likes me? And knowing a girl likes me is one thing, what do I do afterwards? As you probably know, I have had a zero percent success rate with women. Any advise you give me would be greatly appreciated. Also, do you offer any seminars in the Las Vegas area? If not, do you know of any I can attend?

Al

Developing confidence and conversation skills often takes practice. When ou feel good about yourself you feel you have something to offer other eople. Start taking classes and reading books that can help you build your elf esteem (my books could help!).

Next, work on stories from your own life experiences. Write out at least ive events, i.e. most embarrassing moments, accomplishments, frightening events, etc. and practice telling your stories to non-heartthrob people. These would be the grocery store clerk, postal worker, neighbor, co-worker, anyone who you don't feel nervous around so you can build confidence in telling your stories. Finally, a way to test for someone's interest in you is to lean toward them when you are talking to them. If they lean toward you they're giving the message to continue, they are interested. If they don't move at all, they are neutral without feelingsone way or the other. If they move back they are telling you to backoff, they are not ready to "move forward".

I am 31 years old and have been married for 4 years. I am very dedicated to my husband and love him very much. I am a very outgoing person, I am comfortable with people right away, and usually can initiate conversation very easily. I do not consider myself a flirt. I don't consider my self overly confident either. My husband and I continue to have a problem because of my outgoing nature. He feels threatened I imagine because he has said that because I start conversations with men where ever I go, that I give them the wrong impression. I told him that I start conversations with both men and women where ever I go, I am not flirting, I am not being suggestive when I talk to people, I am just being friendly. I like people and I am curious by nature, so I talk and ask allot of questions etc.

How do I help him understand that I can't change who I am, I am not shy but also that I am not flirting. Honestly I do not know how to flirt. Why does he think I am? Do I have to change my personality to make him happy? That is crazy. Any suggestions? (by the way he is not outgoing, and it takes him a long time to warm up to people, we are quite the opposite!)

Lynn

Your husband is expressing a concern,justified or not, it is real to him. Pay attention to your behavior when speaking with men, are you touching them, leaning toward them or giving any indication that you may be attracted to them more than as friends. In a situation like this, early counseling could help the situation because an objective viepoint on the matter could help clear confusion

.

Eight months ago I met a wonderful man who I was very attracted to and he to me. He was in a previous relationship for 8 years and wanted out because he said he was not happy and the "ex" was very controlling. In the course of our relationship he told me much about himself and that when he discovered girls at the age of 5, that was it for him, he had no interest in sports after that. Well, to get to the point now, I notice that he flirts with all the women at work, talking to them sometimes making slightly suggestive comments (all in good fun!). He seems to kiss and hug his fellow associates at work, his sister-in-law who he claims he has always been close with (and stated some feel they are too close). He once told me about a couple who are friends of his for many years, and he said the guy was such a flirt, that this guy even made him mad. Well, the other night at a party, I overheard him telling the guys that he was the one who was such a flirt that he made his friend mad.

I also notice that now there is a woman in the dept he works in, and every time he sees her he kisses her "hello dear", if we are in a social setting, he is the one who jumps up and gets her drink, once even paying the tab for her drinks. She seems to gravitate toward him and hang around him, although I see I also see her "kiss everyone goodbye", my boyfriend included. I also overheard my boyfriend telling one of the guys he works with at a party the other night that he was going to play golf with her. I am trying not to be possessive and give him his freedom to be himself. Our relationship seems very strong and close. I do not believe he is interested in her, but more so that his behavior is part of his outgoing, fun, personality. However, I do not believe "flirting" when you have committed relationship is acceptable. I want to discuss this with him, and I know he is going to come back with "don't tell me what I can do and who I can do it with" and "I don't mean anything buy it, I'm with you, I live with you, I go home with you, etc". The reason I say this will be his response is because when we first showed up together at his hometown haunt six months after the breakup of his previous relationship, his "ex" was there, and after making her way around to him, took him out on the dance floor for a slow dance to one of the songs they used to like to dance to. I felt he should of said "no". He feels they were together for 8 years, she is a friend, and there is no harm done. When I mentioned to him I didn't think it was right, he said all of the above.

Am I overreacting and being jealous? I do not believe that jealousy is a good thing, and I trust him to not cheat, but I also feel that putting yourself in harm's way, may and can lead to more serious problem. I would really appreciate your thoughts on the above and would like to know how to approach this subject and talk it over with him I am not very diplomatic sometimes, and matters I feel strongly about I tend to get a bit rough when trying to deal with them.

Marita

From the description you have given me about your boyfriend, I would say he has a very strong need for approval and attention. He describes his ex as controlling, which, because of his behavior is his way of avoiding the reality that he is out of control. Whether he is cheating on you or not his behavior will not change. You have to decide if you are willing to put up with it. A word of caution, if you "put up with it" and it still bothers you, the price you will pay is having low self esteem and probably an empty relationship.