A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area.

Dear Linda,

I broke up a year ago with my boyfriend of five years. (He ran off with my neighbor.) Since then I have found it difficult to find interest in other men. I have finally met someone and am very interested in him, but am afraid to get too close. I just don't want to get hurt again. How do I overcome this fear?

Monica

Dear Monica,

To learn to ride, you have to fall. If you approach a new relationship as a learning experience and a way for you to mature emotionally, you may be able to reduce your fear and replace the fear with a sense of excitement.

Dear Linda,

I seem to keep attracting totally opposites, until I met this absolutely gorgeous, very kind man. We sat and talked for a while, did some dancing, and then he went home. He said he usually goes there every Saturday and maybe he would see me again. Is he saying, in so many words, that he wasn't interest or should I go back there again on Sunday in hopes to see him again? I don't want to look desperate, but I haven't felt the "queasy" stomach for propbably ten years. You know what I mean, hands sweat, heart pounds, speechless, and I could watch him forever type feelings. Oh.. what should I do?

Janet

Dear Janet,

I encourage you to check out Sundays and see if he meant what he said. The feelings you have sound so special to me that I would be disappointed if you didn't pursue this fellow. The only message I sense from him is that he isn't ready. It doesn't mean never. You don't know where ie's coming from, maybe he needs space. Good luck!

Dear Linda,

I am 34 years old and was unhappily married for 7 years. Over the past few years, I have worked on my self-esteem. I am yet still confused. I am very petite, short that is, but people (men and women) always make reference that I have a great body (big breasts) even though I think it needs some work. It has always seemed though that good looking men, married and single, have "looked me over". My problem is that I don't know if these men are attracted to me and want to get to know me, or if they are thinking, WOW, how can someone as petitle as her be that well endowed as for curiosity sake. I usually go out with men that I meet at single's events and they are not what I am looking for. I want to go with men that I am attracted to, but I often think, how could that good looking of a guy be interested in me, to really get to know me. I would never date a married man and these are not the men that I am referring to. There is a man at work, but I know he has an off and on relationship with someone else at work. I was told by someone that he thinks I am cute, but I am too shy to approach him. My biggest problem is that I do not know when a man is interested in me. Please advice.

Bonnie

Dear Bonnie,

First, men like bodies. They just do -- big breasts, small breasts, whatever -- so quit questioning what it is about your body they like. Second, if they "look you over" you are giving them the unspoken message that it's OK for them to do so. By that I mean a short skirt says "look at my legs, it's OK". Finally, you wonder how an attractive man could be interested in you. This indicates to me Bonnie, that your self-esteem needs a lot of attention. It's up to you to create your own sense of worthiness.

Dear Linda,

I met this man through an Internet personal ad. We seemed to "hit it off" instantly. I thought he was going to be "the one". In any case, I made this 4-hour drive out to meet him. He was the sweetheart he said he was. BUT he neglected to tell me how messy he is. His apartment was so bad that I thought he would need a bulldozer to clean it. Oh well, I said to myself, back to the drawing board. Now my problem is that I made a really good impression on him and he says that he will do anything to be with me. I'm having a hard time ending the relationship when he's constantly saying things like "I was having a bad day until I started talking to the most beautiful girl in the work". Help!

Jenny

Dear Jenny,

This is an interesting issue. If admire people willing to CHANGE and who are receptive to constructive criticism. However, I'm concerned that if you pointed out the messy issue and he cleaned up his act (so to speak) it could be just a temporary fix until he got you. My other concern is what would be next for him to change. I sense he is quite needy which indicates another world of self-esteem issues. I suggest you tell him you want to be friends. You can still be the most beautiful girl in the world!

Dear Linda,

I am 27 and I am struggling with a gentleman who is 32. He makes strides to try to get to know me better, it is a hidden "language" among his friends that we are somehow an item. Yet we have never gone out yet. He has asked me out, but seems to not follow through as well. He seems nervous and scattered, but gives me very inconsistent messages about pursuing me. One minute he is pursuing, the next he asks me out, and then doesn't follow through. What is your opinion on this? I am trying not to take this too literally and get wrapped up into it yet, yet I would like to know what direction to go with this and still hold my integrity as a woman who respects herself enough to know when it is time to "stop playing this game".

Ashley

Dear Ashley,

Tell him you want to "stop playing this game". I'm not clear as to how he doesn't follow through. However, that means it is up to you to set the boundaries. For example, if it happens more times, you'll let go of the relationship. Set the limits for yourself. In this case, giving him an ultimatum could be only a temporary fix. It is important for him to realize his inconsistent behavior and make decisions as to how to be more stable.