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A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area. 
Dear Linda, I'm a 29 year old single woman and I'm trying to figure out if someone is flirting with me or is being overly friendly. He is eleven years older than me and is a manager at the supermarket where I shop. This started in December of last year. He opened lanes for me and asked me questions about my jewelry or attire and told me that his birthday was coming up and was hoping that I would bake a cake for him. I have his phone number and speak to him on the phone once a week. He came to my house one time to help me with a project, but didn't try anything. After the visit, I noticed that he stands closer to me, and one time asked to see my hand because I told him earlier that my nephew spilled nail polish on my hand and I was having difficulty talking it off. As I showed him my hand, he put his hand underneath mine. Is he flirting or just being overly friendly with me? Allison |
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Dear Allison, Some people are painfully afraid of rejection. If two people in a budding relationship have this condition, it could be that NOTHING will ever happen. I suggest that you be the one to open the door and say to him, "If you're going to flirt with me, then ask me out; if you aren't going to ask me out, then please don't flirt with me anymore." However, if you don't feel you can handle a response you don't want to hear, wait until you can.
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Dear Linda, Working as a nurse at a local hospital, I was recently sent to help out in a department that was understaffed for the day. At the end of the day, one of physicians came over to me and took my hands in his saying, "Will I never see you again?" I didn't think he was serious and so I just grinned and said, "Never." An emergency interrupted the conversation and I left at the end of my shift without saying anything. Since then he has emailed me three times, asking me about when he will see me next, and since I am not scheduled on days he is there, could we do lunch. But, Linda, I am 24 and just out of school, have never had a serious relationship with anyone, and he is 36!! Aren't I getting in over my head here? I can flirt - no problem, but I am afraid of what might actually come from all of this. I didn't answer his last email because my nursing supervisor said she may send me there in the future and I don't know what working with him will be like if I bring in the personal side. What should I do? I'd appreciate any help you can give me. Heather |
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Dear Heather, I don't have enough facts to determine if you are "in over your head." For example, are you attracted to him? Does he seem like someone you can trust? Since 55% of relationships that start in the workplace end up in marriage, it would be bad advice for me to suggest that you NEVER date someone with whom you work. At the same time, getting involved and having it not work out can cause tremendous tension and many problems which may make you wonder if it was worth it. Heather, I wish I could give you a "this is what you should do" answer, but I can't. This is a situation where you must explore your feelings, priorities, and judgement - and then make your decision. Good Luck!
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Dear Linda, I am currently seeing a man, whom I love dearly. We really have only known each other for a short time (3 months) but it seems like we have known each other much longer than that. I have met two of his daughters and we get along quite well. His 9 year old daughter, I just met this past weekend. We are planning a small trip together the middle of this month. But my concern is....is it too soon? I guess that really isn't an issue now though, seeing that the daughter already knows of the plans. Is there anything I should be watching for? any do's and don'ts? His ex knows that we are going on this trip and is not happy about it. She is also not happy that their daughter likes me. This is all new to me....any comments, suggestion, advice would be appreciated. Sophie |
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Dear Sophie, In response to your first question, "IS it too soon?" I feel that time is not a measure of trust and commitment between two people. Second, you asked about do's and don'ts. When children are involved in a relationship, they see a new person in a parent's life as a threat, possibly an enemy. Don't take it personally. NEVER put down the other parent in front of the children. Avoid any affectionate physical contact with your partner in front of the children - at least at the beginning. Finally, try to relax and have fun. Your attitude will have a big impact on the comfort level for all involved. Good Luck! |
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