A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area.

Dear Linda,

I am an attractive 45 year old female with a great career and finally live in a wonderful city I can call home. I was married for 5 years but never let my husband know me. I then had a great romance but it never materialized due to the guy's immaturity and lack of commitment. After moving from St. Louis to Houston, I then had two relationships with men who were very similar in their pursuit of me, but when I receiprocated and we started to get serious, they both baled. It seems that I'm attracted to weak men who just cave in when the honeymoon is over and anything is expected of them.

Although I love my life and am very active, I want someone to share my life with. Maybe I am too strong and don't know how to show men I need them. I've been raised to be very independent and have been in business all my life. I would love to be able to flirt and not always be the strong one, but I don't know how. What do you suggest?

Julie

Dear Julie,

I think men today are finding it difficult to understand women, and sometimes a "strong" woman can be intimidating. However, you may be weeding out those men who are intimidated by a strong woman. There are plenty of men out there who appreciate women like you. I have concerns that you are willing to compromise yourself in order to be available to more men. NEVER pretend to be someone other than yourself, you'll end up with someone who isn't right for you anyway. Continue your new life and being yourself, that way you will attract that which is right for you. Good Luck!

Dear Linda,

I am very attracted to a woman whom I work with. She is a very difficult woman to understand though... sometimes she is as nice as can be and then the next day, she can be as harsh and crude as ever. I don't know if she is trying to play the "hard to get" game, or if she is overall just moody. I think that she feels the aura between us and must know that I have an absolute interest in her... but I am not sure. I have been thinking lately that I want to reveal my "crush" for her, but I have been advised by friends that if she doesn't like what I tell her, or if she is embarrassed by it, then she can call it sexual harrassment. I have repeatedly asked her to go out... but everytime it would have been the two of us and a friend of ours... each time is of course, a "no." I am not sure if she even wants to go out as just the two of us... I would've thought she would be more comfortable with three... where she knows that she is safe...

I feel as though we have some kind of deep connection - as though we know each other from another life or something. I just don't know how to go about with this. I think about her day and night, and my feelings for her is consuming my life and my mind... Please help me. Thank you,

Jack

Dear Jack,

Given your numerous attempts to get together with her, and to no avail, I suggest that you make one more attempt and this time be specific. For example, ask her if she would like to go to dinner, if she says "no" that's your answer and at least you know where you stand. If she says "yes" give her a choice of two nights and ask which would be best for her. If she will not commit to a night, or suggest another, that's as good as a "no" and treat it that way.

The crush you have is a dream you want to have come true. Frustration comes from unmet expectations and we set ourselves up for frustration when we EXPECT people to behave the way we want them to. If nothing comes of this infatuation, at least appreciate that your feelings are alive and well, and that many more women will cross your path, hopefully sooner that later.

Dear Linda,

I am a 40 year old divorced male. Here's the problem, all of my freimds consider me the life of the party when we're together and think I should seriously consider being a stand-up comic. What they don't know is, as long as I'm with the people I know and am comforable with it's "anything goes" (within reason) but put me into an environment full of people I don't know and I'm the ultimate introvert. I can't initiate or maintain conversations and as much as I want to, I can't walk up to a woman I have never met and simply ask her to dance - case in point, at a recent dance sponsored by a singles group where everyone else just goes around and asks each other to dance so easily, there I am suddenly back in high school acting the "wallflower". Even after obvious eye contact is made - more than once - and every alarm in me is saying "ask" "ask" I just freeze and what could be a fun and enjoyable evening turns out miserable). How can I beat this?

Jim

Dear Jim,

Lighten Up!!! You are taking all this too seriously. Your are right, it should be fun, and you are turning it around IN YOUR HEAD. The next time you go out with your firneds, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you hpe to meet someone as interesting and exciting as you are tonight. In fact, repeat this to yourself all day. Then, make an agreement with yourself that you will ask 5 women to dance. Whether they dance with you or not is not important. You cannot be responsible for other people's actions. The important thing is that you don't disappoint yourself. Work on feeling good about yourself, and once you believe that you are worthy, you will not fear rejection. Also, I think my book would be a great help to you. Good Luck!