I got married at the young age of 18. I was in a hurry to leave my home, and experience my "freedom". I started dating my husband after an abusive relationship, and I thought he could take me away from it all. I knew then that I didn't love him, but I knew he loved me. So after 2 years of dating we got married.

I wanted children real bad after being married for 2 years. We couldn't do it on our own, so I took fertility pills. We ended up having twins. I was extremely happy! Then my husband lost his job. He worked odd jobs for months... Sometimes being gone for 12 to 16 hours a day, 7 days a week. I raised those children on my own. Eight years later I'm feeling extremely lonely and neglected. I feel cheated! I love my family to death, but I want to be something other than mom and wife. I don't seem to have any support from my husband or any other family member. They all think I should stay at home and raise my children.

Anyway, to fill the loneliness I got a computer. I started talking to this man for a few months, and I think I may have some serious feelings for him. He has made me feel things I have never felt before. He knows that I am married, and still wants to be friends. I've never cheated on my husband before, but I feel like I'm missing so much!

I've told my husband that I want to separate, and he just starts crying and asks me why I want to break up our family. Then I feel guilty for thinking about putting my children through all that. So here I am, confused and lonely. I don't know what to do. I was hoping that you may have some suggestions. Thank you,

Vicki

Leaving your husband for someone else will not resolve the real issue, which is self fulfillment and happiness. No one can make you happy or unhappy, only you can do that.

List your priorities. For example, school, a part time job, etc. It is important for you to develop a life outside of your family. If you feel cheated it's because you allowed other people to control your life. Let your husband know what you plan to do for yourself and he has the choice to either support you with this or to separate. Set a time frame, e.g. in one month I will be going to school and/or working part time... whatever it is you want.

A word about this fellow from the Internet. Needy people attract other needy people. You very well may be trading one set of problems for even bigger ones. I would appreciate hearing from you in one month with your progress. You have a lot to be thankful for, I think you are scared of the unknown which is understandable. Try to be excited about the changes ahead for you, set your priorities, set time frames and have a plan. If you don't know where you are going, how can you get there? Take care.

There is this guy that I'm very interested in, but I am confused on how he feels about me. We started hanging out a lot and really get along great. I instantly became interested because he treated me with respect, which I wasn't used to. Well it took weeks before he even kissed me, but then he moved away for a few months and we haven't really talked until recently. I visited him for a week and we had the best talks and laughed a lot. The whole week he never even once tried to kiss me or anything. I guess my question is, how do I know if he really is interested in me or does he just want to be friends?

Janet

There's a lot you don't know about this guy. Given the information you have provided, I would keep this a friendship and not expect anything more.

Just recently I ran into an old friend that I have not seen in ten years that I had a crush on. He did not know at the time, but I really did have strong feelings for him even at sixteen years old. We exchanged numbers and he called me the following day. We then spoke for hours and caught up on old times, but he brought something to my attention that I didn't know. He liked me but thought that I hated him because I never said hi or anything to him. As a teenager I was very shy, never hated anyone, but I was hurt by his assumption because we could have been together a long time ago if it wasn't for the miscommunication. My question is being that I was not confident enough to let him know I liked him then, what do you think would be the best way to go about the situation today?

Francine

Tell him. Good luck!!!

I'm 44 and have never been married. I'd like to meet an honest and intelligent lady without kids and ex-husbands, that usually means gals 10 or 15 years younger than I but I usually feel pretty self-conscious about our age differences, plus a lot of younger women want to go to bed and I'm waiting till I'm married, which usually frustrates them and they call it quits. I'm becoming more secluded. Any suggestions?

Ted

You express a desire to meet women without ex-husbands or children, as if those credentials make a woman off limits. Without being flippant, I feel your value system needs some readjusting!! There are many honest and intelligent women who are available but because you consider them "used merchandise" you are limiting your world. How can you determine that a woman with no obvious baggage doesn't have hidden baggage that she is just waiting to throw at you?

I respect your concerns, I just can't agree with your inflexibility.