A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area.

Dear Linda,

Clue me in to the subtle language of flirting. I am a very attractive girl. When I walk down a busy street, the majority of men's heads turn. Problem is, although I see plenty of interesting me who are mutually interested in, and attracted to me, I don't know the right techniques to get them to approach me. I'm terribly shy with a handsome stranger, and flirting is scary to me, but I can't afford to continue kicking myself for missing a romantic opportunity. I'm hoping you could give a baffled girl a few tips on dignified, results-based flirting!

Dear Alexis,

Most people confuse "shyness" for aloofness. In other words, an attitude of "I'm too good for you, don't bother." This, unfortunately is probably the message you are giving. At least it sounds like the message they must be interpreting.

Self esteem comes from within, but for now, a quick fix for being more approachable is to look at people right in the eye, hesitate, and smile. The more you want someone to know you like them, the bigger the smile. I guarantee things will turn around for you.

Dear Linda,

I have a little bit of a problem. I have a great boyfriend whom I have been dating for a year and a half now, and living with for about 6 months. He is sweet, very smart, hardworking, successful in his career and just great to me. We get along like best friends and we really go great together. My family loves him, his loves me. When I think of my future, I cannot picture him in it. I'm 27, so marriage/family is slowly approaching. Where does the problem lie, you ask? Well, somewhere in the past few months, although I still love him, I have lost all sexual attraction to him. I love to cuddle and hug, but anything past that is almost impossible for me to deal with. I try to force myself, but I can't do it. Sexual attraction was never a problem for us, and that is why I am concerned. In the meantime, I met up with an old flame and had plenty of desire for him (I thought maybe my hormones were playing tricks on me, but they are working fine!!).

The problem is that he is very hurt by my rejection and I don't want this to ruin what we have. Can counseling help bring back the spark??? Please help me keep him.

Diana

Dear Diana,

I am less concerned with how you will "keep" him, and more concerned about your fluctuating emotions, over which you apparently have no control. I believe there is a reason, either conscious or subconscious, that is causing this roller coaster for you.

I do recommend counseling, and with one who has respectable credentials. It is crucial to find a therapist who will respect your vulnerability.

Dear Linda,

I am in the middle of a divorce, it is not final yet. I am very young (20) and my husband cheated on me. Our marriage was extremely short, four and a half months. Although our dating lasted five years, I am over him, and all the emotions that goes with that, for the most part. I have been living away from him for five months now. Since I have been single again, everything has changed. I was 13 the last time I was single, but even then I was just learning how to have fun and enjoy life.

My problem is, because of him, I have no friends. The ones I have are married, pregnant, or both. So, obviously they can't go out like I do. I have no one to have fun with. I have been out of the circle so long, I don't know what I am doing. I don't know where or how to meet people. Or, once I meet them, to attract them. The age group I am going for is between 25 and 35. But all I seem to attract is either dead beats (that only want someone they can use), 12 year old boys, or 60 year old men. HELP!! What should I do? All I want is a mature man that is not old enough to be my father, but not jail bait - someone who will be OK with me being independent, but not take that as a sign of a "free ride."

Please take it easy on me. I never ask for advice, I am usually the one dishing out advice, but now that I need help, I am at a loss for what to do, or who to ask.

Amanda

Dear Amanda,

You ask me to be "easy" on you since you don't often ask for advice. I respect your sensitivity, however, I will tell it as I see it.

Your statement, "My problem is because of him I have no friends" is the issue I would like to address. You have no friends because you made it that way. He may have made it difficult for you to be around your friends, embarrassed you so that you wouldn't want them around, or you felt guilty for not showing him enough attention, etc., but ultimately, it was YOUR CHOICE. Stop blaming him for your own (wrong) choices, take responsibility for the choices you reget, and forgive yourself. When you begin to develop a healthy self image, you will attract that kind of man. You sound like someone who is willing to work, and I sense you have a bright future.