April 2004

Rick

Does the incorrect English bother you, or just your mother? If it truly would only bother your mother, then it isn't an issue. If it bothers you, you need to tell her. You sound self centered to the degree that you may be sabotaging a relationship with a person who could be the best thing that ever happened to you. In any event, if you don't want to introduce her to your family now, you probably won't want to later. I suggest you break up with her now, before she has unrealistic hopes. Hopefully, she'll find a person who is worthy of her.

I really think I should give up. I'm 39 and have a son 11 years old. Since my divorce 4 years ago, I have met many men, dated and gone to bed with most of them. I decided to slow down on the sex because it wasn't getting me anywhere and I wasn't satisfied. But, even though I wait a while before getting "intimate" my relationships still seem to go nowhere. I'm beginning to think that once a man has sex with you, he doesn't want you anymore. Is it me or is that the way men are?

Rita

It's not unusual for a person to want validation of their sexuality when a relationship ends. For a woman to expect satisfaction from casual sex is unrealistic. You say you wait "a while" before getting intimate. I don't know if that means 4 hours, 4 weeks, or 4 months. It doesn't matter. I don't think time is a factor to measure the level of trust needed for a quality relationship. I think your relationships go nowhere AFTER sex because they had no future BEFORE sex.

Why don't you give yourself a break. Plan the next year (or two) to focus on taking care of Rita. Find ways to increase spirituality, purpose and productivity in your life, and have fun doing it.

I am 27 years old and single. I'm single because I'm selective. I have to see a woman I date as a person I can see myself possibly marrying. This means I have to see them as a good mother or someone I could really see me wanting to invest a long time in. I have high standards. I want them to be loyal, honest, sweet and compassionate towards others, and for them to be strong in themselves and have strong faith in God. I tried dating girls in the bar and that isn't something I can do any more. I never met one girl that is someone of the quality I want. I tried churches too, and so far that has been an extreme flop as well. I really am getting frustrated with this not having someone to share laughs, joy and love with. What should I do?

Cal

The fact that you have NEVER met a woman that meets your standards indicates unrealistic expectations to me. It could be you are protecting yourself from ever having a relationship. I suggest that you get counseling.