I really like this guy right now. And I think that he likes me, but I don't want to let him know that I am interested in him. I don't honestly know why, I think it is because then I would consider it not as much of a challenge or as fun. So what I want is for him to get the hint that I like him and that I want to go out on a date with him but for him to get the idea himself. Basically I want to make him like me. Help! Please!

Sincerely,

Barb

If you don't let him know you are interested in him, chances are he won't make an effort for fear of rejection. Besides, how do you know he hasn't already thought about asking you out, but is afraid to? Good luck!

Real Love or not?

For about 6 months I've been working together with a woman that I suddenly realized that I love. She has been flirting with me or rather that I've seen that she enjoy having me around with laughs some blushing and happiness in her eyes.

About 2 months ago I asked her to call me and she said: I will and that I can call her too. I went for a holiday and sent her some postcards telling her how wonderful and special she was. After that I told a friend that I love her and I know that that friend has been telling her and that she knows my feelings for her. Then suddenly she tells my boss that she has a boyfriend, just like that out of thin air. That boyfriend lives in another place according to her story and that they`ve been together for about 6 months.

I've been talking to her before that statement to my boss she`s never mentioned that to me or to anyone else. She broke up from a relationship last spring and was devastated and then suddenly she has another one! She tells me that she thinks I`m wonderful, caring and nice and so on. I wrote her a letter telling her what I thought about her and to my surprise she wrote back to me! I told her she can send me a card if and when she felt just a little of what I`m feeling for her, and I received a letter stating that: I understand that you must feel "something" otherwise you wouldn`t do the work writing me a letter. She even wrote that she may write another letter! Anyway, I asked her if she wanted to have coffee or something with me and she said YES! We met yesterday for about 3 hours, talking about everything with her telling me that I was so nice talking to and that she couldn`t talk about things we talk about with others, etc. We laughed and she blushed a few times, she told me about her weakness and other stuff she had done when she was a child. I followed her home asking her if we should do it again. She told me that she was busy next week (which I know) but the week after she wasn`t so it was ok to call her and decide.

So, she knows my deep feelings for her, she knows that I know about the sudden
boyfriend, a boyfriend she seldom meets and don`t know if she loves. I don`t know if he exists since it seems strange and sudden, they don`t meet that often.

My question[s] or problems are many and I ask myself: Does she love me, she can be
afraid after that other relation that ended and want to know me deeper so I'm not fooling her about my feelings just to get in bed. Maybe she felt forced to lie about another boyfriend to stop me for a while and give her some time but still meet me to know me better? My boss tells me that she doesn`t know a boyfriend exist and that she doesn`t seem to be as happy as she should be if she was together with a man she loves and have been loving for just 6 months. My boss thinks that she's scared and that she looks like she loves me according to her face when she sees me [my boss is a woman so maybe she knows]. Can it be like this? Can a woman that loves act like this just to see and learn to know and let it go deeper? Can a woman be crazy in love but still wait, wait and tell small/white lies to get some time to figure out and/or see if she can trust me and that I really loves her, I'm thinking about the devastating break she had last spring? I would be very happy to receive some advice on this, especially from women since they know how a woman can act!

Thanks in advance,
Ron

For whatever reason, she feels it is necessary to distance herself from a relationship with you. It is important for you to keep your distance and respect the fact that if she were ready for more, she would not have a "boyfriend" real or imagined. I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, unfortunately I can't. My advice to you is to continue the "friendship" and long talks without expecting anything more for a while. In time, you will know what direction to go. Take care.

Is it unusual and harmful to continue a playful bantering with the opposite sex while I'm engaged and/or married? I've been single for 12 years and have recently gotten engaged to a wonderful man. He doesn't laugh at off color jokes and literally doesn't flirt or look at other women. I'm a very vivacious 49 year old women who flirts with life itself. He thinks I should be the way he is or I'm not ready for commitment. I love him very much and have NEVER been unfaithful to another while in a relationship (I've also been married twice in the past, being faithful to both husbands, while they both cheated on me). He said that he watched his mother's pain while his father cheated on her and that is where he is coming from. He also doesn't like the thought of any man coming over to the house while I'm home alone, whether they are a friend of mine or not. He says I'm giving off the wrong signals by allowing this.

I'm confused about is there a "proper" way to be in a marriage/relationship, or is one of us overreacting?

HELP!

Annie

I do not think it's unusual to be playful with the opposite sex. From what you have told me, your fiancé may not be ready to give you the freedom you want. If this is the case, your relationship will be a struggle. You will not be able to change him, only he can do that. As long as he thinks there is nothing to change, he won't. I suggest you reevaluate your intentions for marriage until these issues can be resolved.

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I have been told by a lot of people that a guy I know wants to ask me out. However, I've been waiting for at least a month now & he hasn't asked me. He's very shy I've been told & a bit younger than I. People as well as I don't understand why he hasn't asked yet or called me like he tells people he's going to. I seaerated from my husband a month ago, & some think he's waiting to see if I get back with husband. Could this be so? What could I do to casually break the ice?

Jeanne

It is quite possible that he is nervous about approaching you, and with all due respect, he has every right to be. He may feel that at his point in your life you are looking for someone to validate that you are an attractive and desirable woman. He may want more out of a relationship with you than just to make you feel good, but maybe not.

You asked me what you could do to casually break the ice, I suggest that you ask him if he has time for coffee on ____ or ______ (always offer choices). You will be letting off the hook, and his response will tell you where it is going.