Mike

It is necessary for you to say where, when and what the date is about. Ask her if, for example, Wednesday or Friday is good, and then a show or dinner.....etc. Be specfic and have a commitment as to when and where you will be going.

The problem is I want to be with this man. I am married. We talk constantly and have met twice. He has told me on certain occasions he can't see me because of the way he feels about me. Several times I have asked him to meet me for a drink and he declined. So I stopped asking and calling him. The last time we were on line he said that he misses my calls and would like if I would keep in touch. He also said that the next time I go out with friends to think of him and invite him for a drink. Which I did... We planned on meeting and he then stook me up. He then apologized for it, but only because I felt I deserved and demanded an apology. He is constantly telling me to work on my marriage. That he feels he is a distraction and that the way he feels about me we cannot be just friends. Ihave tried not to talk to him because at times I feel tempted and it's painful for me. Then he would send me messages and it's like he can't make up his mind. He has a beautiful way with words that make my heart melt.

He is going through a nasty divorce, is lonely and has shared some very personal issues with me. It's like we both want to stay away from one another and have tried because we both know that it is the right thing. He has talked me out of an affair with him because he does not want to cause me any problems. I feel he is a decent man... but at times I feel he is like playing a game with me and he messes my mind up when he starts talking about intimate things. The last time he stood me up he said he had a major kid problem that came up... I don't know if I believe him... we have telephones, I feel he should've at least called to let me know he was unable to make it.

I am trying to make sense out of all of this. My marriage, there has been no respect for a long time, I have become emotionally and physically detached from my husband and this happened way before I met this man. Things have finally caught up with me. I was not looking for this, it just happened. Now I can't seem to focus on anything but this gentleman... Please some advice!

Kelly

You stated at times you feel this guy is playing games with you. From what you have told me, he is one big game. Neither one of you are at a place in your lives emotionally to make a decision on a partner for a long term relationship. This could be a fun fling for both of you, as long as you don't count on it being anything more than that. Good luck.

The next day he told me I really looked great and he even winked at me. And, when I walk up to a table where he is sitting, he stands up and pulls out a chair next to his for me to sit.

My mom thinks it's all just friendly flirting on his part, but I disagree. I think there is really something special and he's waiting for me to give him the green light. Do you think I should ask him to go to lunch or dinner with me? Please answer soon.

Janet

I'm going to tell you what you don't want to hear, I think your mother is right. It's not unusual to want something the way you want it rather than to face the facts. He has not given you any solid reason to think that he wants a sincere relationship. Actually, he's pretty much told you the opposite. Why does he flirt with you?? As cold as it sounds, I think it helps his ego.

If you don't let this guy go his merry way, my guess is that you will end up with a broken heart. It's now or later.