A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area.

Dear Linda,

I am 36, separated single mom with a good job. I am outgoing and love people. I have no trouble meeting people or making friends but I don't seem to be able to move to the next level with a man. I don't know how to get to the first kiss stage. I have forced myself to be the one to kiss first and I have also waited patiently with one date for example, I dated for 8 weeks and he never even held my hand. I am attractive and self confident and cannot figure out what I'm doing wrong.

Kim

Dear Kim,

When you feel attracted to a man and would like to kiss him, let him know by your non-verbal communication. A couple of suggestions; take his hand and rub the back of it for a few seconds, or move close to him and tell him you're having a good time.
Sometimes it could be a physical issue such as breath etc. Finally, you may want to ask as a friend for example, one of the men who didn't attempt to kiss you, "why not?"

Dear Linda,

Linda, I have been a divorced mother for nearly 5 years now. I've had relationships with all the wrong men since then and am wanting to find Mr. Right! The only problem is that since the divorce I've gained weight and lost confidence in myself. There is a physician I work for whom I'm interested in. He's also a divorced parent but an insatiable flirt and not just with me but other female coworkers as well. I'm interested but I don't want to set myself up for another fall. I think my biggest problem is that I feel I'm not attractive enough for anyone to be interested in me. And I'm smart enough to know that without self-esteem there's no hope in finding someone who'll believe in me, especially if I can't believe in myself. I'm out of answers. Please give me whatever advice you can!

Divorced and Down

Dear Divorced and Down,

Give yourself credit for realizing this man is a flirt who is not selective. I understand your lack of self esteem has caused you to gain weight, however the fact that you recognize this and want to change it is half the battle. There are many ways for you to find out ways to increase your self confidence. Of course I would recommend two of my books - How to Flirt and Personal Power that you could order off my web site (with a break for ordering 2 books). With affirmations and visualizations you will become the beautiful person I sense from your letter you feel is really inside you. In my opinion, you are miles ahead of a majority of the population who feel insecure. I not only have hope for you, I would be surprised that if within a year you didn't gain the confidence and self esteem to get on track with the life you want. Try eating half of what you would normally eat, every day. Throwing food away is no different than feeding it to your body.

Dear Linda,

I am 47 and have been married for 27 years. I've been attreacted to my wife's older sister, who is also married, for most of those years. Along the way we've both flirted with each other and a few years ago at Christmas she gave me a very nice "Christmas kiss". It was more than a quick kiss but not a make out type kiss. Since then I've told her that I've been attracted to her and would enjoy more "Christmas kisses". Her response was that she was very flattered but she would be afraid of her sister and her husband finding out and that maybe it's my age. Well, as you can see it took me 27 years to get this far and I don't know if I should persue the "Christmas kisses" or not. I feel she's still flirting once in a while but it gets hot and cold and I'm pretty confused. Did I blow it by telling her how I felt?

Thomas

Dear Thomas,

You are asking for my opinion, so......keep your thoughts in your fantasies. Your sister in law has made it clear to you that she doesn't want anything more from you. By the way, you are playing with fire.