A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area.

Dear Dave,

In some ways it sounds like you are performing for her maybe to "catch" her. If you really felt you had something of yourself to offer her, you wouldn't be worried about keeping her interested in you. The fact that you think she may be playing "hard to get" suggests suspicions of game playing, which indicates to me that you wouldn't be suspicious if you weren't a "game player" yourself. Giving her what YOU want to give her isn't the same as giving her what SHE wants. Ways to test for this include:

- Ask her

- Watch her body language (does she move closer to you when you think you a re doing something special for her?)

- How does she REINFORCE behaviors?

Feeling unappreciated often has more to do with your expectations and motivations. On the other hand, if she is "acting" ungrateful and truly does diminish your efforts, she IS playing games, and it may be time for you to leave the playground.

Dear Linda,

Dear Pam,

Many women tell me they are happy if a guy has a job - and you want a WHOLE MEAL??!! (just kidding! Of course you deserve a WHOLE MEAL. And, old fashioned or not, that isn't going to change. I speak at High Schools, and when I ask "Who pays?" the boys and the girls both say "HE DOES". If that is the attitude in High Schools, then this is not going to change any time soon.

My advice to women:
If a man asks you (on the first or second date) if you want to share a meal (and you want a whole meal) TELL HIM YOU WANT YOUR OWN MEAL.

My advice to men:
I believe most women are not out for "a free meal". There may be a few gold diggers out there, but let's face it, there are also a few cads as well. If your finances are limited there is nothing wrong with taking a woman to the corner coffee house. If she doesn't respond positively to that, then it's probably a good thing you found out sooner instead of later.

Dear Sara,

You neglected to tell me how old your children are, this can make a difference in how you deal with this scenario. However, I suggest you make contracts with Derek, giving him choices in the decision making process. For example, ask him what consequences he feels would be fair if he doesn't do his homework, forgets to tell you where he is going, comes home an hour late, etc. Let him knkow you RESPECT his feelings, and at the same time you are the parent and you are the one who structures the guidelines for the household.

I wish I could tell you to do this.... when he does that..., unfortunately it isn't that simple. If there could be a book to tell parents what to do when their two year old acts up in the grocery store, it would be a best seller for sure, different things work at different times, and sometimes it seems like nothing works. I also wish I could tell you what you want to hear, however, the truth is that it is not uncommon for power struggles with children to continue until the child leaves home, and hopefully that is after graduation and 18 years of age. Hang in there. It may get worse before it gets better, but I can almost guarantee you that it will get better!

Dear Jack,

I have many. First, the reason you get "brain cramp" is because your self talk is saying "I can't think of anything to say". So of' course you CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY. Second, work on creating interesting and humorous stories about your childhood, family, work environment, etc. Practice these stories on people who are not a heartthrob, i.e. the grocery clerk, the mail carrier, a sales person... and watch for positive reinforcement. If people laugh at your stories or appear interested, then you're on track. If not, all it means is that your stories are not funny or interesting, YET. Keep working at it until you start getting the feedback you want, your confidence will increase, and you won't worry about what to talk about. Also, Jack, remember you are only responsible for 50% of the conversation, lighten up!