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July 2000

A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area.


Dear Linda,

I have just recently been attracted (emotionally) to a much younger man. It is a total new experience for me, and I have no idea what is the source...totally out of character for me. He has lots of charisma and is harmlessly (I think) flirtatious with many women...this is all in a fitness gym setting. Do you know any source information I can read to help me deal with this. There is a 20 year chronological age difference and a much wider life age difference. I am ready to retire, and don't want to deal with these strange feelings...as I feel they are misplaced.

Mary

 

Dear Mary,

Feelings can't be "misplaced", they aren't wrong or right, feelings just ARE. Accept that, it's what you DO about your feelings that can be right or wrong.

First, I suggest that you decide what you want from this if anything does happen. For example, do you want a long term relationship?...a short little fling?..... a sexual relationship?....etc. After you have decided what it is that you want, then make an effort to see where he stands. If you do not receive encouragement from him, then you know to direct your energy where it is better received.

.

Dear Linda,

I am a 29 year old fallen in love with my 31 year old boss!! ( and she is married too). I have tried many times to show my interest in her but she usually hides her feelings. What do I do to break the ice and earn her love ? Sometimes i get scared about a direct approach as she is my boss and have the fear of getting fired. Don't know what to do..... Help !!

Venkat

 

Dear Venkat,

You are playing with fire. I suggest that you back off.

 

Dear Linda,

I'd consider myself an attractive, nice 18 year old gal...but I have one problem. I've never had a real boyfriend. I'm not extremely shy socially, but I tend to withdraw from a "flirting" relationship with a guy that comes my way. Then, afterward, I usually end up liking that guy, which then he most likely thinks that I am not interested. Yes, I am very passive when it comes to dating, and as a result am very lonely with no guy by my side. Please help!!!

Lori

 

Dear Lori,

It sounds like you are protecting yourself emotionally from getting involved. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. Set a time frame for yourself, for example, 3 months, 6 months etc. that you will then MAKE the effort. Prepare yourself, and then give yourself permission to "flirt" with 2, 3, 5, (whatever) fellows in a given day. The point is to have a plan, and to realize that success is in the effort, not the outcome!!





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Linda Stambaugh
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