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A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area. 
Dear Linda, My live-in partner can't communicate with me rationally. He loses his
temper and holds in his thoughts and emotions. He storms off rather than
talking to me. No matter how often I talk to him about certain issues
we end up arguing. He seems vindictive and full of hate. His family life
(growing up) was unhappy with arguments. I have an inherited (from both
parents) short temper when confronted, which I'd like to be able to control.
I have an 8 year old (going on 12) daughter from my first marriage who
is a handful. With my current partner I have a beautiful 18 month old
son (my daughter is NOT jealous of) and may be pregnant again. I don't
want my family to be unhappy anymore! Can your book help me? Can you offer
me some advice to help me keep the peace until your book comes? Lori Dear Lori, The book I recommend for you is The Verbally Abusive Relationship. I believe the author is Patricia Neal. It's no surprise your daughter is older than her years, it's her survival. I would focus my attention on being the responsible parent for your children so they can enjoy being children. If you continue your participation with your live in partner, you will become a victim who feels powerless. The fact that you wrote to me for advice demonstrates your courage to realize you need to make changes and is an important first step. If your partner can not handle the fact that the children are your priority, let him go. Don't let him hold you back. I know it isn't easy. Dear Linda, There is a girl that I know who is in a few classes of mine. I'm definitely interested in her, but I'm way to shy and afraid of being rejected to do anything drastic. She usually stares at me and smiles, and this is usually a definite sign that she's interested. For extra reassurance, Iturned to my friend, who knows her a little better. He said that she said that she likes me, but isn't confident enough to ask me (the same situation I'm in). The reason that I am afraid is because she is really popular and I am just kinda nervous. What should I do? Miguel Dear Miguel, I think it's important for you to challenge yourself. Realize that success is in the effort, not in the outcome. We can't control what other people do, but if you don't make an effort, you have no chance with her, and that isn't what you want. Dear Linda, I've just started dating a woman that is 23, I'm 34.I know every case and situation is different, but according to yor experience, is the age usually a too serious obstacle to overcome for a long-term relationship,including marriage? ...or is something that we can work on if we decide? Troy Dear Troy, I feel age is an attitude. A large age difference can create noticeable differences in taste of music, movies, etc. Only in time will you be able to tell if the age difference will cause problems for you. Dear Linda, I have been divorced for 18 months. It has taken time and counseling to find myself and have reclaimed the person I was before the marriage and meant to be. I feel good about me and would like to start a new friendship or relationship. I want to take my time and not rush into anything. I am very interested in a man at work. He had asked if he could come to our picnic. I said and could he help with the grilling. He and a couple of his peers came along to grill as well. During that hour we had some nice general conversation along with other people standing there. We are always staring into each other's eyes and smiling. I feel comfortable around him and a connection between us (at least on my side.) While he was grilling other co-workers came up to him and were surprised --- teasing him what was he doing up at this site and grilling --- he explained that I had tied him up -- shanghied him into doing the grilling. Then turns to me looking and staring into my eyes, smiling and laughing. Well, I got embarrassed and just looked back into his eyes, smiling and did not say a word. Did I make him do something he did not want to do? One of my other friends talked to him and found out he usually does not date anyone within the company. She asked if he would be open to dinner. He said yes, he would be open for dinner. She told him that "someone" is interested in him. He wanted to know who was interested, but the conversation got interrupted, so he does not know. I would like for him to ask me out as friends first. Do you think he is interested at all? What should I do? LeeAnn Dear LeeAnn, To answer your first question, from what you have told me, no, I don't think you made him do something he didn't want to. Second, it does sound as though he cares for you. Finally, I have a question for you. What do you mean when you say you want him to ask you out as "friends" first? If he were to ask you out, he's wanting to be with you because you are a woman. You have control as to how much the relationship stays "friends" by your behavior. If you give him messages, verbal or non-verbal, that it could be more than friendship, I'm sure he will "get the message."
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