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 July 2003 A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area. 
Dear Linda, In reference to your response to the woman who didn't like being called "Honey" in the work place, I think you are way off base. Maybe the guys asked her to do things, but maybe those things are in her job description. 1 don't find it wrong at all for people to be affectionate, and call each other doll or darling. I think you're giving the wrong message, and people here should lighten up. I'm from the south, and everyone uses these words, 1 think you're too stuffy! Karen |
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Dear Karen, I respect your opinion, and in my own defense I agree that affectionate terms for people in the workplace are appropriate as long as they are meant to be AFFECTIONATE and not DEMEANING. I use terms Honey, Dear, Sweetie, etc. with people I work with, in an affectionate way. The point I was trying to make was that too often these terms are used to demean a person. Let me put it this way, more frequently the boss says, "Honey, would you get me a cup of coffee" but how often would she turn to him and say "Honey could I have my paycheck?" I appreciate the fact that you brought it to my attention that I was not clear. However, I will not waver from the fact that I want there to be an awareness of the message when using endearing terms.
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Dear Linda, I am very much attracted to a man I work with. He's never been married, and he's almost 40. I've worked with him for 2 years, and we have some sort of weird relationship going on. We both seem to get a thrill out of picking on each other. I have been asked by people who have witnessed our interactions, what was going on between us. He makes fun of some of my habits such as an addiction to "chatting" on-line as well as how I spend money I don't have. I can sense concern, but be turns it into a playful joke just to get his point across. I never see him interact this way with anyone else. However, he's been dating a woman (not living with her) for over 4 years and he makes it clear that it's going NO WHERE. Just the other day it was raining so hard, I said ''we'll have to get a boat" and he turned to me totally seriously and said, "Can you imagine you and I together, on a boat, - alone?" All I could think of to say was "Where would we go?" he said "To an Island", and I melted. I cannot seem to stop thinking or dreaming about him. I really want to get to know him better, as in outside of work. We have never hung out outside of work and I am afraid to ask him because I see him every day and I'm afraid of rejection. One other thing, my ex-fiance knows how I feel about the guy and decided to come in and check things out for himself. As soon as he walked in, the man I work with went from talking freely with me and laughing to a semi-dead silence. He then headed for his office in the back. I quickly said something "smart" to him and he turned around and gave me a certain "look". And from that look, my ex-fiance deduced that the guy was definitely interested. I get this look a lot. I am not sure if I am misinterpreting his actions as flirting or if he really is flirting. What should I do? Cindy S. |
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Dear Cindy, I think you should approach this man with what you are feeling. If he feels the same way, KATIE BAR THE DOOR, you may have found the relationship you have always hoped for. The girlfriend is a concern that needs to be addressed. If you let him know how you feel, and the girlfriend is still in the picture, let it rest, actions speak louder than words. If he doesn't feel the same, you have lost nothing. If he is the nice person you say he is, it sounds like you have great potential. Go for it - nothing ventured, nothing gained. |
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Dear Linda, It seems that women only want rich men. I don't make a lot of money, so I don't ask a woman to dinner very often, and when I do, I let her know it will be Dutch Treat. Now that women are making just about as much money as men, why can't things change, and women start paying their way? Dan |
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Dear Dan, Right or wrong, we want (and expect) the man to pay, at least for the first couple of encounters. It doesn't have to be a gourmet meal, take her for ice cream, or coffee. If you are not feeling appreciated for your efforts, look at whatever amount you spent, as an education. Most women are not gold diggers. My guess is that you have a LOT of first dates. I would recommend that you look at yourself to figure out why you have a sense of lack (or you wouldn't find it so difficult to part with money). You might start having more fun! |
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