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A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area. 
Dear Linda, I am dating an extremely attractive man - he's got an incredible I trust him completely so perhaps this is a moot question, but I'm curious
as to how he expects me to react. Typically I tell him these women have
fantastic taste....but it's Dear Joanne, Not only does he invite these behaviors (passively) he get a false sense worthiness by rejecting people who show him appreciation. He shares these stories with you hoping to get you to react and feel that he is the gift. If you think telling him how wonderful he is now is redundant, if you continue with him, you will be bored to tears trying to figure out how you can possibly satisfy his weak ego. I predict you will get worn out. Dear Linda, I had written to you a couple of months ago. I have been divorced for about 18 months. Sometimes I feel I am going back through my teenage years. It has been 16 years since I have been in the dating world. This was about a coworker that I am very interested in and wondered if he felt the same way. He had been to our cook out --- kept smiling and looking at me. We had some conversation -- but mainly with other people around us talking. He had teased me about being shanghaied into it around a couple of peers that had walked up. He is the same one that usually does not like to date anyone in the company, but would go out to dinner (as one of my friends found out). Since the cook out we were in a meeting together --- of course, the usual "I see and then you see me" eye contact. After the meeting, he did stop and talk with me. After that twice he has been out to the building I work in -- to give me updates regarding work --- even though he could call. I am flirting with him --- he is always smiling when he is around me. (a couple of my friends have checked him out -- the word is he dates a certain type of woman, but this could be rumor stuff). I do not fit into this category. I am brunette, smart, humorous, loving, good conversationalist and good person. I like myself because I have reclaimed the person I was and more before the marriage and divorce. This last time he was at my building -- he remembered something from our last conversation and was being cute humorously asking me a question about it. He came into my office and then saw personal pictures and stuff in my office. He began to ask about them and saw a key ring that reminded him of a place and wondered had I been there? I invited him to our next cookout. He said he will come. During the cookout if he does not ask me out --- I plan to ask him. My
question is --- is he interested and should I do the asking? I am feeling
a little apprehensive -- but realize too that I should take this chance
-- if it does not work it will be okay. Thanks
for your help. Annie Dear Annie, If he comes to the cook out, you may want to have some conversation around if he is involved with someone,and if he isn't then you could suggest something that you could do together. It sounds like you have built up your confidence to a positive level, your attitude sounds really healthy. Go for it!!! Dear Linda, I like your letters archive! Here's a question from a single girl (go
figure): Renata Dear Renata, I don't know where you live, but if you don't live in Austrailia, what are your chances of finding an available Australian? It's important for you to have realistic expectations. There is nothing wrong with your fantasy, but closing the door to any other possibilities is self limiting. Racial preferences are a personal choice, but you are narrowing your focus by specifying a country (if you don't live there.) My advice would be to move to Australia, or reassess your criteria. Good luck! Dear Linda, Thank you so much for your reply about a destructive relationship I have been in. What you said really helped me. I'm really starting to see what kind of person he is, and I know I don't deserve this treatment. I just don't understand how I couldn't see it all along. Well, for closure, I was going to write him a letter, so I can tell him not to come around me anymore, etc, and not have to deal with the pain of seeing him. My counselor said it would be a good idea, get my feelings out. Closure. You think it's a good idea? And if so, what should I say? Another thing. How can someone hurt someone the way he did, and have a clear conscience? I just don't get how anyone could do what he did to me. What would drive him to liking me so much in the beginning, then treating me this way in the end? And next time he comes knocking at my door, 'cause he needs someone to talk to, or he's upset, what do I do? What could I say to him? It just hurts me, after all I did for him, to realize that all he did was use me, and he didn't care about me at all. I think I have the confidence to tell him to take a hike; anger has replaced love it seems; I'm bitter towards him for taking advantage of me like he did. What do you think he'll do if I tell him that I don't want anything to do with him anymore? You think he'll leave me alone after this? Tara Dear Tara, It's possible he doesn't know how to love in a healthy way. I would let him know that you will be parting company, and I wouldn't worry about what he thinks. Wish him well, and let go.
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