I want to give you a little background info on myself so that everything I'm explaining will make more sense. I am a divorced female, early 30's, consider myself attractive, but very shy. I have been divorced now for 2 years and have only had one date (pretty much a disaster). The problem is that after my divorce, I lost trust in all men, and no matter how many "nice" guys everyone tells me are out there, I find that I'm so afraid
of being hurt again that it seems like I'll never trust a man again. After all this time, however, I think that I am beginning to talk myself into trying again, which brings me to the following situation.

I've had my eye on an attractive guy at the gym for several months now, but I have no idea how I can actually meet him or especially start a conversation with him. The gym has a very open layout, and it is not a typical "meat market", (which is why I like it there), so I don't know how to get his attention or find an "excuse" to talk to him without seeming like I'm desperate or the gym "flirt". (Although I have never flirted with anyone there before.)

We have made eye contact on several occasions (while he's playing basketball and I'm taking a fitness class) and he has looked directly at me and smiled (twice), but it seems that it will never go any further. He doesn't appear to be married (no ring), and I never see him flirting or even talking to other women. (I am certain that he is not gay.) This leads me to believe that (1) he already has a girlfriend or (2) he is even more shy than me.

I think most people would say that if nothing has happened by now, it probably won't, but my gut feeling is that he is a very nice, respectable and kind person (just from his interactions with other players) - I just generally have a very good feeling about this person (which doesn't happen very often for me anymore). What could I possibly do to find out once and for all if he is at all interested or just being polite? Our paths never cross in the gym because he usually finishes his game before my class is over, so we never "bump into each other" on the way out. I would be mortified if I approached him and he thinks that I'm an idiot! (not that I would even know how to approach him.)

I need your opinion - what can I do to meet this guy? Please help!

Debbie

I suggest you speak to him, say something like, have you been a member here long? Leave your class a little early once if you need to. If his response to you is short and to the point and he appears uncomfortable, just acknowledge his answer and tell him to have a good evening. If however, he responds and wants to continue talking, then allow the conversation to move forward. My book has several suggestions and I think you could benefit from it. Good Luck!

.

Thank you,
Miranda

Chances are he will never leave his wife and continue to use until you have no self esteem and will feel so worthless that you will not be attracted to anyone. I suggest you leave this man as soon as possible and find some who has values and will respect you.

Where do I start? I am 50 years old, married at 18. (UNHAPPY) Always knew it was a mistake, but stuck with it for one reason or another. I think I have fallen in love with another man. I met him through my son and have been seeing him for about five years on a professional level. It has slowly progressed into a friendship. It has come to the point where he will no longer be able to see my son on a professional level because he's leaving his job.

I think he has feelings for me also, he has been sending mixed messages. He's given me his e-mailing address and we e-mail each other back and forth. He is well known in this community and I know he is very shy. He's 11 years younger than I am and extremely educated. He's not married. I think he wants to remain in contact because of things he has said and done. I am at the point where I would consider leaving my husband, not because of him, but it is certainly a motivation. I am waiting for a response from him as we speak, I asked him if he would like to continue to see my son on a friendship basis. I don't like using my son as a link to him, but it is a legitimate one as he is attached to him also. I told him that I do not want to lose contact with him. This was done only after he planted the seed the last time I saw him.

It's driving me crazy! I think about him all the time and when I don't see him or hear form him I really do miss him. I know he must realize that I have feelings for him. I want to confront him. I have to know if this is only to be a friendship or if it can progress into something further, I just don't want to alienate him. Please help!

Faith

By all means take the initiative and prepare yourself to be excited to get some answers, rather than being terrified that it may not work out.

Belle

He is not available if he is still married. I recommend that you stop flirting with him. He shouldn't be encouraging you either.