Dave

I really think it's tough being a guy today, and I do think I can help you with this issue. Because men and women are so different we are all kind of struggling to figure out what is appropriate, especially in the work place. It's been less than 50 years since women even began to work in "a man's world" and look at us now!! It's no wonder you don't know what to do, you've barely had any time to prepare for us.

As human beings it is our responsibility to let people know what is or is not O.K. with us. It is especially important that women in the workplace (or anywhere) give CLEAR messages to men when any type of physical involvement occurs. First, there are different kinds of hugs. A male boss may feel uncomfortable hugging a female employee even if she initiates a full frontal hug. Always respect a person's comfort level, if a person extends a hand, use discretion in asking for a hug. Side hugs are getting pretty popular. Second, I believe that a man can feel safe if he wants to touch a woman - it should be O.K. if he restricts that touching to her arm, between her elbow and her finger tips. And, most men tell me that a woman can touch them just about anywhere and they won't complain. Finally, because touch is such a powerful form of communication, be careful - use it wisely.

Janet

As I see it you have three choices:

1. Let it continue - The children will watch their mother being a passive, submissive victim. They will think this is the way a family is and the cycle will continue.
2. Fight back - Although you would be standing up for yourself which of course is positive, the negative is that your children will feel powerless causing them to rebel, crying out for respect. This can be acted out in passive or aggressive behavior, i.e. depression, joining a gang, poor grades, isolation, etc.
3. Leave - If I preach anything it is that LEAVING IS NOT ALWAYS RUNNING AWAY. In your case it is clear to me that this is the best choice you can make. I understand your fear, however you are not in denial of the reality of what you are dealing with, your children are lucky.

Patty

I sure do! I recommend that if you are at a place to dance, either always say yes or always say no. Always say yes to at least ONE dance for the following reasons:

1. You get exercise
2. You get out on the dance floor so that someone who might not have otherwise seen you, will see you now.
3. If you say NO, a person who you would really like to dance with probably won't ask you now. It doesn't matter if the person who asks has two heads and five legs, all the other person sees is your rejection and he will fear that from you.

People ask me why would anyone go to a dance and plan on not dancing at all. There are many reasons - just wants to get out after a painful breakup, is married and with other friends, doesn't know how, etc. Now have fun dancing!