A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area.

Dear Linda,

There's a man that I see at the train station almost everyday. We started conversing and I feel very attracted to him. He asked me out, but it was such short notice and I didn't want to seem too eager, so I said I had plans. I also told him that I didn't know that much about him (playing it safe?). So he said, well maybe another time. I figured it would be safe to maybe have coffee with him, so I suggested that, but he didn't seem to respond to that too well. Maybe I jilted him a little? Anyway, we have spoken since then, but there are times that he seems to be avoiding me and then he'll surprise me with this nice smile and it feels like we're flirting. He hasn't asked me out again. Is this a sign of insecurity or just not interested anymore?

Theresa

Dear Theresa,

Games are wonderful, but they do not belong in relationships. I will NEVER understand the "hard to get" game. I do not agree with being over-eager -- this can indicate neediness which is a symptom of a variety of insecurities. A word of caution: You stated you met him at the train station, which means you don't know if he has friends, you could not verify where he works, etc. Under these circumstances, arrangements to get together should be made in a public place, until you are comfortable.

I feel he is still very much interested in you, and I admire you for making the effort to salvage his invitation by asking him to go to coffee. The fact that he said no to your invitation could mean that he thought you were doing him a favor or ... maybe he needs to be in control. Whatever, I would not give up. I do recommend that you make one more attempt to see if this is a possibly great relationship and ask him if the invitation is still open. If he's controlling, you'll find out quickly and then you can thank him for his friendship. At least you will know that you made the best effort you could, and if he doesn't respond, let it go.

Dear Linda,

I'm a single mother of a four year old boy, James. I try to be sensitive to his needs, but it seems that I'm making a lot of mistakes. I was talking to a friend on the phone and I was telling her how the other night I was going out for the first time with this guy named Dan, and when he came to pick me up, James said "Are you going to kiss my mother?" I told my friend, "I could have killed him." Later I noticed he was very quiet and wouldn't eat. I asked him if anything was wrong, and he started crying uncontrollably. He looked up at me and asked "Do you really want to kill me?" I felt terrible, and I obviously have a lot to learn. Why doesn't someone (you) write a book on what NOT to do or say around your children?

Lisa

Dear Lisa,

I have often said it would be great if someone could write a book "What To Do When Your Two Year Old Has a Temper Tantrum in the Grocery Store." Of course it would be impossible because every child is different and they have different reasons for their behavior.

As you have learned, what you think of and how you feel about your child can be quite different from how your child interprets your feelings. Since you can't control how they think, you can ask them if they are happy, or do they feel they get enough of your attention. You can start these conversations with your child by three years of age. It is crucial that a child know that you respect their feelings, and that you care about their well being. If you start practicing this behavior now, a situation as you have just described probably wouldn't happen because James would have the confidence to ask you immediately what you meant by that statement. Communication will be enhanced and your relationship strengthened.

Dear Linda,

I have been divorced for eleven years, am 44 years old, self-supporting, and have one high school age daughter living at home.

I love to date and I truly like and enjoy the men I have been involved with over the past several years. The problem seems to be that I never date a man for any period of time before things get serious. I dated one man for 2 years, one for 5 years, and one for 3 years. These men have absolutely nothing in common with each other and are totally different types. The relationships have all progressed toward marriage at some point, with the men proposing and then things start going backwards to the point that I end up being a good buddy rather than wife material. We end on friendly terms. I have reached the conclusion that I must be doing something to sabotage things, but I haven't the slightest idea what it is.

I'm certainly not desperate to get married, however I would like to find someone to be a partner with at some point. It's rather disheartening to spend so much time in relationships and have them regress to nothing. I realize you haven't been given loads of information, but do you have any idea about how this can be avoided in the future?

Laurie

Dear Laurie,

You said you have been single for eleven years, and in that time you have been with 3 men; 2 years, 5 years and 3 years. In your last sentence you said you haven't given me loads of information, but you have. It sounds to me that you cannot be without a man. If you don't take time to take care of yourself, you will not be able to contribute to a healthy relationship.