A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area.

Dear Linda,

I met this guy! He is never serious and very sarcastic. But, he is very funny and I love being around him. We have had two dates and he has not even tried to hold my hand, much less kiss me. I did get a hug after cooking dinner for him. I think I have given him many chances to at least hold my hand. He told me that he doesn't want a relationship, which if fine with me. But then when I said, "Well, you just want to be friends then, right?" He said, "No, I want to date you!" So I really don't understand what is going on here. He hasn't asked me out again, but we do talk a lot. He likes talking to me on the phone really late, but when he comes over to my house or we go out he is always home before 12. I just don't get it.

Laurie

Dear Laurie,

One big factor in my answer to you is what are you after? Also, he is clearly in control and for that reason, I suggest you make some decisions for yourself. It seems to me that his definition for "dating" would be my definition for "just being friends". I suggest you trust the relationship the way it is, if he doesn't like it, let him know what you want. If he doesn't give you what you want, at least you know where you stand.

Dear Linda,

I thought you were supposed to help people, but it seems to me that when people ask for advice, you tell them to dump the person who they're with. I think that's the easy way out and you don't make an effort to educate them as to how to save what they have. I know, for myself, I'm not attracted to too many people, so when I find someone I like, I will do whatever I can to make it work, and you're always telling people to LET GO.

Ron

Dear Ron,

I appreciate your opinion, and you're right. It may appear that I tell people frequently to LET GO. In my book, "Dealing With Difficult People", I explain that when in a relationship, whether it is business or personal, you must determine whether this is a difficult person you're dealing with, or a dysfunctional person. A difficult person knows what they do is wrong, they just don't know how to do it differently. A dysfunctional person does not know what they do is wrong (therefore they don't have to CHANGE). For example, they don't know it's wrong to drink 12 beers a day, or that it's not OK to beat your partner or children.

I am all for saving what you have, IF IT IS SALVAGEABLE. It's important to me that you understand that when I tell people to move on or let go, it is because I see them in a situation in which they are powerless, or have no control. It is better to be ALONE than to be LONELY with a person who doesn't hear you.

Dear Linda,

I am 47 years old, good looking, a pilot for a major airline, with one grown son. I have a home and I belong to a lot of dance clubs (but I don't dance) so I meet ladies all the time. My problem is, I can't find a woman who is happy to be with me. I have decided to search for the availability of women from Russia. These women are happy to have a man call on them. American women act like they're doing you a favor. My problem is that I've been meeting these women from Russia who are so happy when I give them flowers they cry. However, I have not yet met one who I am really excited about. What can I do?

Chet

Dear Chet,

Why don't you learn to dance? You said you belong to dance clubs, but you don't dance. Given that you're 47 years old and resist change, might underscore the fact that you want to change your environment rather than change yourself. WOMEN NOTICE THAT BEHAVIOR!!! By no means do I suggest that you give up yourself to be something for someone else. However, given the facts you have given me, you have a lot going for you, yet something is a stumbling block for you. I think you're looking for love in all the wrong places. It starts with you, and Chet, LEARN TO DANCE. At this point, I suggest you begin to get out of your comfort zone. You have a lot of living to do, and you want someone to live with you. What are you willing to compromise? Flowers are great, a nice meal is appreciated, but what are YOU willing to give of YOU for someone else? If you aren't willing to learn how to dance, get a wife from Russia (personally, I feel sorry for her).

Dear Linda,

My husband died 3 years ago. To make a long story short, I have been involved with a man whose wife (of 30 years) has the same type of cancer my husband did. Jack doesn't love his wife, she's moody and depressed all the time. He is totally miserable. We travel together, and have "quality time". He can afford to travel whenever he wants and gives me beautiful gifts. I know this sounds harsh, but I really wish she would die. I mean he really loves me, he asked me to marry him, and of course I said yes. What can I do to make him leave his wife?

Sue

Dear Sue,

First, anyone who is married and asks someone else if they would marry them is looking to have their ego pumped. They have nothing to lose, and chances are they are USING you. Sue, from what you've told me, you want to believe he really loves you, BUT actions speak louder than words. From what you've told me, I think he's using you. I would like to see you with someone who is AVAILABLE.