Hi my name is Marianna. I am a single girl with a 7 month old baby girl. Her father left us at the beginning of my pregnancy. It was most likely best for all of us. That doesn't bother me.

I have a major problem socializing and especially flirting. I can't understand why. I am quite shy and worry that I wont say the right things. In fact, my sisters feel that I don't think before I speak.

I want to know how to flirt. I dont have a lot of money and can not buy a book, but I really want your advice.

Marianna

Your sister is wrong!! The fact that you "worry you will say the wrong things" is what prevents you from having confidence and lowers your self esteem. The problem is you think TOO MUCH before you speak. What I suggest is that you build confidence by writing down scenarios of interesting situations you have experienced, funny stories, most embarrassing moments etc. and reherse telling these stories. Then practice telling them to friends and family members and test by their interest level to see how well you are projecting yourself.

Become the kind of person you would find interesting, you CAN do it! Good luck!

I am recently divorced and I am thirty years old. I rarely get a date and my friends say that I intimidate men. A man that I am interested in, I just came out and asked him over for dinner. He says that he is "pretty tight" with his girlfriend, but he is very interested and I would be the first to know if things went awry. I admire him for his committment to her, but how do I get him more interested in me. I had been interested in him for three years prior to my marriage and then after I got married he jokingly added that he was disappointed. He is quite older than me -- 50. What should I do?

Frances

It takes courage to make the effort to extend an invitation, and for that you can be proud of yourself. He has made it clear to you that he is not available, and it is now your turn to back off. If you found ways to entice him away from his girlfriend, why would you think someone else couldn't the same thing? Admire him for his values and look for someone who is available.

Ok there is this guy and he is always hanging all over me. I don't mind, I like him a lot but he has a girlfriend. Well the other day he was hanging all over me and I was all over him but he was doing more than I was. Then he was making like this kissing sound and everyone was like kiss him, kiss him. I said no and he got really close to me and he was rubbing his lips against my cheek getting closer to mine but I didn't kiss him. I kept telling him he had a girlfriend and he acted like he didn't care. I wanted to kiss him but I held my self back, I guess because I know in my mind I can't have him and I don't want to do anything that will make me think that I can have him. Now I wish that I did kiss him. Was I right not to kiss him or should I have kissed him? If you can help me I really would appreciate it.

Allison

Making it clear to him that you don't want to be used is the right thing to do.

I have been happily married for 11 years and have complete trust in my wife. Yet on a recent vacation I expressed my jealous feelings about her admitted flirting with a single guy over a couple of days. She admits to flirting and to the definition of it being an act to sexually, though superficially, attract another. Yet there was intent to follow through. She also says she has read that flirting in marriage is healthy. I ended up apologizing profusely and received the cold shoulder for the ensuing week because of the caged feeling I gave her when expressing my desire for her attentions.

Was it wrong to be jealous and to express those feelings ? I have never flirted and have no desire to. Do you think flirting is healthy ?

Josh

There are a variety of definitions for flirting. My definition is "letting someone know you like them and would like to know them better. When your wife told you that flirting in marriage is healthy, she's right, as long as it is with each other (if the intention is sensuous). Whenever a partner flirts in a seductive manner, it is natural for the other partner to feel hurt and rejected.

It was not wrong to express your feelings, in fact, it was healthy and necessary. You may want to try to flirt with your wife. She might be trying to tell you she would like more excitement in her marriage, if you don't listen to her she may very well find excitement somewhere else..