A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area.

Dear Linda,

I am 26 years old and I have never dated. I live in a very small town in Iowa. No matter who I talk about, that I would want to go out with, either I am hassled or they are. I have my faults, as does everybody else. I am good with children, but that's not a basis to start a relationship on. I was wondering, how do I figure out who would possilby be interested in going out? The problem is: Since I can't read a ladies' mind, I don't say much, considering I have no idea what they are thinking. I'm not the tallest or greatest looking person in the world. What should I do to get the ball rolling, considering it's getting to the point that loneliness is starting to kick in, and I would like to try and get a relationship going before I'm 30?

T.W.

Dear T.W.,

First of all, you express concern because you can't read a woman's mind, and since you don't know what they are thinking, you don't know what to say. Well, that's why you have your OWN mind. It's up to you to think of something to say. Quite honestly, if a man knew what I was thinking and only talked about those things, how could I learn from him, or find him interesting?

I suggest you learn to be more comfortable with yourself, improve your self esteem, and be the kind of person you would want to be with in any situation. If you don't find yourself interesting, how do you expect anyone else to?

Finally, lighten up! You are taking all this too seriously. Your fear of loneliness stems from your inability to let loose and have fun. Begin to find more joy in life, start appreciating those "little things, and work on spirituality. You sound like you have a lot to offer. It would be great if you could believe that.

Dear Linda,

I am 24 years old and I feel really silly for the way that I've been about this guy that I have had admiration for for such a long time. I live right around the corner from his place or work and I frequent this cafe because of him. So, he undoubtedly has noticed me in there one or two or maybe even 37 times if we want to be precise. Actually, I haven't counted, but it's been many visits pretending to study or pretending to be thirsty. I go to this cafe slash bookstore frequently and I know I would even if he wasn't there. Now it has turned into this wanting to see him just to get injected with that feeling of desire. I questioned myself and wondered if maybe I just liked being served by someone I was attracted to and that's all I really want from this. I questioned muself and wondered if maybe it was just an infatuation and nothing more than me lusting after a guy who seems to be an image of what I truly desire in someone.

The fact is here that I am so tired. I don't believe that I have come so far and let so many months go by and told people and haven't done a darn thing. I feel like my confidence is completely voided out when I am face to face with him. All I know is that this situation is draining me even though I kind of feed off the energy that it gives me when thinking about him. I really get a feeling from him and not just based on looks, but his overall actionas, reactions, and the things he says. He sings out loud and makes witty remarks. Everything about him makes me feel things I haven't felt for a loooong time. I haven't had a boyfriend for about three years now and have had absolutely no dating except for one that doesn't even count (long story). Anyway, I feel like I am fourteen when it comes to this stuff.

I just can't seem to get the right advice. People just tell me to make natural conversation or just flirt a little with him. For some reason, even though I am actually a bold person at heart and am undoubtedly unique and interesting according to my friends, I feel like the whole world wiill need to televise the event of telling me this before I actually believe it. I also know I like run-on sentences. Back to the point, considering all factors. I mean I feel like I've waited tooo long to suddenly act differently to him and plus I don't want to lose my priveleges of going to this place I frequent. So where is my happy medium of advice?

Hopelessly Infatuated,
Christine

Dear Christine,

You describe feelings that probably every human being has experienced at one point in their lives. The good news is, you're alive and well! The truth is, your infatuation could be the same as one with a movie star, with whom you will never meet. The fact that you have frequented his cafe to a great exent, with virtually no response from him may indicate that he is not available, romantically.

If it becomes unbearable for you to get some direction with this relationship, I suggest you take the initiative when he waits on you by asking e.g., Have you worked here long? Are you from...(town)? Do you live around here? All small talk, but you need that to lead up to the BIG question, which is... Do you have a partner? I like the work partner rather than girlfriend because if he's gay he may have a partner, but not a girlfriend.

It's wonderful to have those feelings of being alive, on the other hand, if they are not kept in perspective, they could get out of control and cause you more heartache tha pleasure. I wish you well.

Dear Linda,

I am 25 yrs old and still single. I met this guy, he is 30 yrs old. It was love at first sight for me. He actually gave me a ride to the office on a rainy day. Since then we've been all over each other. I was always in his house. Then something happened. I asked for a picture of him, it was a very lovely one of him at his previous birthday I guess. He refused and said, we still hadn't known each other long enough. We had been dating 11 days. In fact he said this after we made love. Because I was still crazy about him, I didn't feel bad. We had a date two days after that, he now said we had to talk, that things were happening too fast between us. In fact, to cut the long story short his attitude towards me has changed, I can feel it and I want to quit. The problem is I'm still very much in love with him...

I feel there is something he is not telling me, when I ask him, he would say he has nothing to hide. I met two girls in his house and he wouldn't introduce me to them. When I met him, he said he wasn't in any relationship. I have been avoiding him lately and I intend to have a break and know where exactly I'm heading. What do you think?

Heather

Dear Heather,

Go with your instincts, let him go. He clearly is hiding something, maybe many things. I think he is doing you a BIG favor by backing off now. If this relationship went much further my guess is you would be in a big mess. You deserve better. Good luck!!