A regular advice column published monthly in Singles Network, a publication for singles of all ages in the metro Denver, Colorado area.

Dear Linda,

I am a 42 year old woman and extremely shy with members of the opposite sex, especially if I am attracted to them.

At work, a man has shown a great deal of interest in me, but I am so shy that I find it hard to look at him and I am afraid I may have chased him away. I did look him in the eyes once and smile at him, but he gave me the brush off. I was devastated. How do I let him know that I like him? Once bitten, twice shy!

Sylvia

Dear Sylvia,

Your issue is not uncommon. When your friend approached you, and you pulled back, I'm sure he took it as rejection and never thought that you were too shy to respond positively.

I suggest you continue to make eye contact and also make an effort to talk to him. Realize that any rejection he gives you is to protect himself (understandably so) and even if nothing comes of it, you have a opportunity to practice "flirting" and to work on your communication skills. Good Luck.

Dear Linda,

I have been single for almost four years. The last relationship I had was a marriage for three years that ended up in divorce. My ex-husband ended up leaving me for another man and I have not been able to get myself together to start another relationship. In fact, I don't even know where to begin. It seems that the guys in my life always end up just liking me as a buddy and an ole pal. I don't understand what real men are looking for. It seems as though they are looking for something I don't seem to have. I'm tired of standing on the sidelines.

Toni

Dear Toni,

Did it ever occur to you that you might be giving the message that you are a good pal rather than someone who is available for a relationship? I suggest you pay more attention to the messages you are giving and what it is that may be in your delivery that is causing the message to be misunderstood.

Dear Linda,

Whenever I ask women out on a date, they almost always say "yes". However, most women inform me a few days or weeks later that they really don't want to go out with me after all. In my estimation, they're either trying to be polite, or I'm doing a really horrible job of following through. How can I "follow through" better with women so that they're more willing to spend time with me?

Charles

Dear Charles,

It seems to me that you are just asking, and not inviting these women out. When you approach them, give them a choice - for example, would you like to go to... or .... If they make the decision, they are more likely committed to the date and more willing to spend time with you.

Dear Linda,

My husband died last year after a long and serious illness. I am an older woman, but look young for my age. This past year has been difficult because I spend a lot of time alone and tried to get in touch with my grief and my new life. I've participated in activities I liked, and in each activity there were men who showed an interest in me. Instead of being flattered with their obvious attention, I was terrified. I wanted to run away from them. The men were recent widowers and very nice people, but I was afraid to make any connection with them. This surprises me, because I enjoy the company of men and, in a sense, was flattered by their interest. How do you explain my reaction to their reactions to me?

Joan

Dear Joan,

Your reaction to their attention is your way of protecting yourself because you really don't feel READY. One part of you wants to be ready, by the fact that you have gotten yourself out and made the effort to meet people. It is apparent that there is another part of you that is saying NOT YET!

I suggest you continue your efforts to meet people, and when you get invitations, try to arrange that it would be a foursome, or any other less threatening situation. You sound quite brave to me, and although I'm no psychic, I think you're going to do very well for yourself.