Creating a More Positive Valentine's Day for Singles
Plan a New Valentine's Day Box!
Tips on Getting Through Valentine's Day Gracefully
The Dentist and the Hairdresser
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Self-Administered Valentines
by Tracy Laswell WilliamsI have spent many Valentine's Days alone, but d___ it, I like chocolate and roses! I've been surprised by getting flowers or cards from family or friends for Valentine's Day. So start dropping hints to your family and friends - early and often.
Leave little notes around the house to remind yourself of the things you appreciate about yourself. These are Secret Admirer notes - where you are the Secret Admirer.
Make a date with yourself and do whatever makes you feel nurtured (like a massage, bubble bath, and - oh yes - chocolate!). On February 15th, go to the chocolate shop to get discounted Valentine's Day treats.
Tracy Laswell Williams Biz-Magic Inc. & CAREER-Magic.com
Author, The Essential Job Search Companion
Plan a New Valentine's Day Box!
By Mary Jo Fay, RN, MSValentine's Day conjures up some pretty big feelings for many of us. I would bet that most of them are some pretty stereotypical boxes. If you're single, your box may look pretty glum as you wish for the romance and all the goodies that go with it.
OK, enough of the doldrums, let's think "out of that boring box" for pity sake and see if there isn't something more imaginative, more fun, more YOU!
If you're not in a relationship, do things for a person in your life who might need a lift on Valentine's Day Ö your mom, a co-worker, or maybe a new child in your neighborhood. Then instead of feeling left out - without a significant other doting on you this Valentine's Day, put all your energy in doting on someone elseÖ the smiles of surprise will lift your spirits more than receiving those old stand-by gifts anyway!
Pay special attention this month to the small talk of your "alternative Valentine." Listen to comments made when watching TV or when reading the newspaper about something that caught her attention. It could be something to help her with her hobby, a special pillow for watching TV in bed, or tickets to a concert that's six months away. Your friend will be surprised that you noticed an offhand comment she made and actually followed up on it!
Make note of the jobs that your friend does around her house or office that she really hates to do and make an "I owe you" gift certificate, offering your services on this task for a given amount of time. For example: take out the trash, make the coffee, wash the car, whateverÖ just be sure that you follow up with these tasks religiously as promised and be sure to make up a glamorous certificate so that it looks official for an even better reception!
Plan a "Valentine's Choice Day." Give your "alternative Valentine" a card in which you've written "Valentine's Choice" and a calendar date. As she looks at you questioningly, you simply say, "We will spend the date listed here to do whatever you want for the entire day!" For some people, this will be the most wonderful gift you can give them Ö the gift of your time and whatever they want to do with it! Just remember, if they request something that you might think is "stupid," (like going shopping at the antique stores,) just bite your tongue and know that the gift of your time will pay off big in other ways later!
Don't get stuck in all the boring Valentine's Day boxes you've used a thousand timesÖ think "Outside the Box."
Mary Jo Fay facilitates a seminar entitled Power Out of the Boxx,
in Cozumel, Mexico each month. Email Mary Jo Fay or call (303) 841-7691.
Tips on Getting Through Valentine's Day Gracefully
by Jean Zartner
*Get your kids something. Buy an inexpensive bunch of flowers at the grocery store. Bake a cake or heart-shaped muffins for them.
*Send a little something to the grandkids. You can buy the boxed Valentines such as kids buy to trade at school. Then send them off to the grandkids - and maybe some of the neighborhood kiddos.
*Have you tried sending funny Valentine's Day eCards to your friends? That could be good for a laugh - or several!
*The day after Valentine's Day, buy some half-priced Valentines for nieces and nephews. Store them for next year. As the day approaches, you'll have the same kind of pleasant anticipation you have when you're getting ready to send Christmas gifts.
*Make it a day to honor your parents - posthumously if necessary. I used to think it seemed silly to send Valentines to parents. Then I found out they like it!
*Check the singles groups in your area. Sometimes you'll find a Valentine's Day event that is meant for singles - NO couples allowed.
*Sign up for dance lessons. (See the DANCE section of Selfnurture.com if you live in the Denver area.) It's a great way to meet people! And even if you don't meet a romantic Valentine - what the heck - you'll have so much fun dancing that you won't notice nearly as much! Something NEW for WOMEN ONLY: I'm teaching Partner Free Ballroom and Latin at the Arvada Center for Arts and Humanities. It's on Friday afternoons now, but will switch to Sundays in April 2003.
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Thanks to one of our readers, Peggy Silcox, for the following great ideas:
I want to share last years' experience with V-day. I dreaded it since it was the first one since the breakup with my boyfriend. I can't remember exactly what I did, but toward evening on that day I found myself stopping at the grocery store for something. There were BUNCHES of men running in and buying flowers, and most of them did not look at all happy. They looked like they were doing a duty, at the last possible moment.
I'd been feeling that "everybody else has somebody who loves them" stuff, but this made me remember that not all couples are happy and many are more unhappy than I was by myself. This year I'll try to think of something loving to do for myself on Valentine's Day.
Another tip: Lately, I have been looking at Valentine's Day as an "Other People's" holiday, just as I would Bastille Day, Cinco de Mayo, or Hanukkah. I don't usually celebrate those either.
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The Dentist and the Hairdresser - A Valentine's Dateless Story
By Jean ZartnerThis true story happened on Valentine's Day, 2000. Over the years, I had developed a Valentine's Day allergy. My aversion, I must admit, resulted in negative self-talk about being dateless. Well, actually, it resulted in entire negative self-conversations.
I got caught by the long arm of the Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction states: You attract that on which you focus. I'd been focusing on negative feelings - just because I was minus a sweetheart on the day greeting card companies insist you should have one!
So what bad thing did I attract into my life? Well, think of one of the things you most dislike doing.
Right! I got an emergency root canal as a Valentine's Day present.
Before I drove home from the dentist's office, I decided to get a shampoo and style (one of my favorite self-nurturing splurges). I would, at least, be doing something positive, instead of drinking, bingeing, or sulking.
I went to a salon that takes walk-ins. As I waited, I noticed one hairdresser who didn't seem too friendly. I remember thinking, "I hope I don't get him." Well, the universe doesn't hear negative words like "don't" - so, of course, I got him. And was I glad! He turned out to be delightfully funny.
I told him I was feeling sorry for myself, being dateless on Valentine's Day - and having to "celebrate" by having a root canal! He made me feel less alone by pointing out: "You see all these people in here at 7 pm on Valentine's Day? They're obviously not going anywhere tonight - or they wouldn't just now be having their hair done. You see me? I obviously don't have a hot date tonight.
His non-romantic perspective on Valentine's Day gifts made me laugh: Flowers are nice, but jewelry appreciates. I wish I could remember all the things he said to make me laugh. But the important thing is, I did laugh. I left there feeling much better, much less alone, and a bit smarter!
So don't dread Valentine's Day. Find a way to change that negative energy into something positive. Four out of five dentists recommend it.
Jean Zartner is the author of Self-Nurturing Solitaire, The Upside of Being Single: An Illustrated Guide, and the Confidence Workout.
Need a Valentine's Day Laugh?
An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."
Get a newer, funnier perspective on love and dating by reading these words of wisdom from the mouths of 7- to 10-year-olds.
Go to the Humor section of Selfnurture.com for general guffaws, chuckles, and ticklements.
